Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
