Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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