I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
