Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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