Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got carded by a ten year old.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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