i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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