I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
