Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The uberlube is also flammable
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
