I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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