she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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