Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
