If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize