Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
