Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
