Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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