Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
