Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
