Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize