I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
