Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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