you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
