my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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