Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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