I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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