i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
