A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize