I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
