OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
