Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
