rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize