I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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