literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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