So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
