I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
