Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
