I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
