I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
