I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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