Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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