FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
