when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
