she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
