she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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