So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
