Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
