The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
