shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
