So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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