Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
