just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I love having hate sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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