my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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