Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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