He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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