How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
