awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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