I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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