i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Drake has all the answers
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
