he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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