I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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