Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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