I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
