i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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