our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
