There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I supernannyed him into submission
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
